This Page is for you all to share your own stories of heartbreak. Whether you were with someone for 3 weeks or 3 years, it does not matter. You felt some sort of loss. If you feel comfortable sharing your story with others, please email me at ouchmyheartisbroken@hotmail.com as always you can request your stories to be completely anonymous.
I lived with my boyfriend for about one year. We had been together for about two years prior to that. We had sporadically talked about the future, but nothing to serious. We were both trying to figure out our careers and we knew we loved each other so we figured the future would happen when it happens, at least I thought we loved each other. I came home early one day from work and thought I would cook him a special dinner. I walked in and found him making out with a girl on our couch. He tried to play if off like it was nothing. The sad thing is, I went to counseling with him, he said he would never do it again that it was a mistake and he loved me. Six months later a friend of mine spotted him with a different girl. I got visual confirmation with my own eyes. I left him, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. We were together almost four years and he made me feel like it meant nothing to him. I was devestated and he acted like an ass and ran around town partying and sleeping with a bunch of other girls (from what I have heard). I am still keeping my heart open to find a guy that will treat me right, people say there are plenty of fish in the sea. It is a big sea out there and I have not found to many fish I would want to spend my days swimming with.
(submitted from Alexandra in Reno)
I got a story a lot like yours. I am still going through it so when I read yours the tears flowed. My name is Jimmy. The girl that broke my heart was the girl of my dreams. We were together 14 years ago and broke up after a 1-year. The time I was with her was great. I never experienced love like I did with her. We both made some mistakes and it ended. When it did I was so hurt. I left the state because I could not take being in the same town as her, it hurt too much. It took me a long time before I was able to live again. I got A DUI because of my pain. Than I got sober and tried to live a better life. I wanted to be a better man in case one day I ever got a second chance with her. I have had a lot of relationships since her. I have compared everyone to her. She was the most beautiful girl I ever seen, the way she smiled touched my soul. The way she kissed me it was like an angel kissing me. She made me tremble. She was a dream I had for years that I did not dare dream. I always wanted to get back with her someday. That would be the greatest gift God could give me. About 2 years ago I heard from my brother that she had been asking about me. My brother told me that he told her that I wanted nothing to do with her. I could have reached through the phone and choked the life out of him. I told him that somehow he needed to fix what he done. Last spring it happened he gave me her number. I was so scared. I just wanted to talk to her. I wanted to tell her how much she had inspired me over the years to be a better man. That for the past 13 years I had still not anyone that compared to her. I thanked her for making me a better man. Than she told me that she had compared everyone to me also. That I had been the love of her life. She told me that she had felt bad for years for hurting me the way she did the first time. I told her it made me stronger. We kept talking, she was engaged I told her if there was magic in her relationship to marry him but if there was not to please stop. After that conversation on the phone we talked everyday. We grew closer and closer again. The love inside of me was so incredible. God was giving me a second chance. The first time I told her I loved her I did it in Cherokee by text message. She asked me what it meant I told her to look it up, it's Cherokee. She texted me back in German that she loved me! "Where do we go from here" she said. From that point it got more intense everyday. I live in Washington state, she was in Arkansas. We had planned on me moving there, I was working hard to make enough money for the move. She decided to come to me instead, she could not wait to see me. She came to me in June 07 with her 14-year-old daughter. She messed up though, she told her daughter that it would just be a vacation. Her daughter did not want to move, did not want to leave her friends. She drove 3000 miles to be with me. The last 1200 she drove all night. The day she got here was the greatest day of my life. When she got out of her car I could not stop shaking. We held each other for hours. The butterflies in my stomach, my trembling hands. I thanked God for her, my love had come back after all these years. Things were great for us for several weeks. I did forget to mention this girl was also bi polar. She was not on her meds, so I did get to see a few mood swings, but I excepted her and everything that came with her. After a couple of weeks her daughter became very upset when she realized it was not a vacation. She hated Washington, she missed her friends. Mashell (saying the name is hard) decided to send her to Bullhead City Az for the rest of the summer to visit family. Maybe she would decide to live her if not we could move wherever they wanted. After a week of being down there her daughter refused to come back. Mashell fell apart. She became withdrawn. She had at one point been away from her daughter for year because of drugs. During that time she lost a lot of time with her little girl, she got sober to get her back and now she lost her again because of us. It got so bad for her that I offered to send her to her daughter. Mashell said that she would go to Bakersfield Ca where she had family, get a job and work to get a place to stay in Bullhead City. she left the on the 13th of Aug on a Monday. I was so bummed, not being able to go with her. She said I could not go because she had to prove to her daughter that she was number one. She said she would work on her and "that it would be a cruel twist of fate if things did not work out for us". When she got to Bakersfield things did not go well for her, my brother was causing problems, she had little money, she caught MSRA "the killer bug". She had to leave her cousins house where she was staying because her nephew just had surgery, he had a bad infection as a result and she was contagious. She had to go stay with her mom who has a meth problem. She was so miserable. I know she was regretting everything she had done. I was worried that she might be blaming us getting together for everything. She started talking about God a lot. It scared me a lot. I had some issues but that's another story. We still talked everyday. She told me her daughter was cool with us dating and taking things slower. She said we could all move to Bullhead City but we would have to live separately for awhile. I was a little bummed but was willing to do anything to be with her. I had a business trip in Sept. to Vegas. Mashell and I decided it would be a good way we could see each other. The plan was to fly to Vegas, rent a car and drive to Bakersfield. It would only be one night , a night we would finally get to hold each other. I could finally look into her eyes again and tell her I loved her. She was very sick with the MSRA and I wanted to make sure she was ok. We talked so much about this night. The day before I left she told me that when I got there she was going to wrap around me like a little monkey. I flew to Vegas on the 14th of Sept, went to the rental lot picked up the car and drove like hell to Bakersfield. I was so excited, I had not seen that beautiful smile in 5 weeks. I had missed her so much, could not sleep, could not focus on anything. I talked to her on my way, she said not to worry nothing was going to keep us apart tonight. I talked to her 1 hour before I got there, she said let her know when I was coming into town. As soon as I pulled into town I called her, no answer. I checked into the hotel, called and texted her, nothing, no answer. I called a couple of times. I was so worried because she was so sick. I figured she past out from her pain med and I would see her tomorrow. I did not sleep much that night when I woke up the first thing I did was call her. Still there was no answer, tried texting too. I called her cousin to see if she knew what happened to her. Was she in the hospital? I was worried to death. I drove to her moms house on the way there I got a text message. It was from her, it said" I can't do this anymore, it's over, I'm really sick, just go home. I just stared at the phone in disbelief. I tried to call, tried to text she would not respond. I drove around trying to find her for a while crying uncontrollably. I had no choice but to go back to Vegas. There was a comedy show the boss had paid for that I had to be at. I drove back crying the whole way, still trying to call her. That night I went to that stupid show it was Ray Romano stand up act. Everyone laughing and I just wanted to die. I fought tears the whole way threw. The next day I called her cousin and begged her to get Mashell to call me, she agreed to try. Later that day she did call. When she did she yelled at me, said a lot of mean things and that she did not love me. I asked her what about the way we held each other? did that mean nothing? She said "anyone can spoon" I asked her about what she said before she left. That it would be a cruel twist of fate if things did not work out for us. She got real quiet with that, paused for a second than said some more mean things and hung up on me. I was beyond devastated, I did not know why, how could this be happening? The next day was the 17th of Sept. a Monday and I had to fly back to Seattle to go to work. That plane ride home was horrible. I did not sleep at all that night. My brain would not stop. I started to believe that because of everything that happened to her that she was shutting down. That she was having a manic episode, she did not mean to do this to me, that she loved me but she was going to shut the door on us to get her life back. The letter I sent said that I would give her the space she needed. I told her I would not bug her, not pressure her. I also sent her a dozen red roses with Star Gazer Lilies mixed in with some butterflies plus a poem I wrote for her. When I got back home I totally fell apart, I ended up In the ER. The doc gave me something for anxiety and sent me home. I stated praying to God for help. Begging him to let things work out for us. She was finding God I would too, anything to get her back. I started going to church too. The bible, prayer and church became my life. The whole time I was hurting so bad. I was sleeping 1-2 hours a night, not eating, I lost about 30 pounds. I call it the "heartbreak diet" I needed to lose some weight anyway. I began smoking a lot more, I got up to 4 packs a day. All day, everyday was hell for about a month. I was in and out of the hospital, I was told I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by abandonment. I started going to counseling as soon as I got back from Vegas, I needed help badly. I had totally fallen apart. I cried all day everyday. I could no longer work. I am a sales person, it's kind of hard to sell when you can't smile and all you do is cry. This went on for a month, it got so bad that I went back to the hospital. They put me on antidepressants, Zanax, and was told my blood pressure was dangerously high, so they gave me stuff for that. I also stared having sever anxiety attacks brought on by the Meds the docs where giving me. On the 11th of Oct. I got a call it was from her, I had not heard from her since the trip. She told me how sorry she was, that she was out of her mind at the time, really sick from the MARS and that she had move to Bullhead City and that she was going to church and had received the sprit. She said she was working on her self right now. I told her I was also going to church and was going to counseling and trying to be a better man. She said that was great and that we should both work on ourselves and that maybe down the road thing could work out for us. I told her what I had been through since the breakup, she gave me her number and said I could call her every day. We talked everyday for a week, we talked a lot about God, she said her daughter was warming up to me, that she was proud of me. She said that she still loved me and that I should move to Bullhead. We could date and take things slow. Than she disappeared again for a week. On the 25th of Oct. I got an email from her, it said she met a guy in church, that he was the love of her life and that they were getting married. That was it for me I came unglued, how could this be happening? Why was God doing this to me? I tried to call her, she yelled at me, said that she had only offered me friendship and hung up. That was the last time I spoke with her. The next day I checked my cell bill and pulled up some numbers she called and called them back. One of the was a guy she was seeing in Bakersfield, while we suppose to still be together. I called the house where she was staying and tried to make trouble for her I was so angry, out of control and getting suicidal. I did a lot of crazy stuff that day. I had been through a lot and I snapped. Also the meds I was on where causing bad side effects. They were suppose to help but they made me totally crazy. Anti-depressants cause me to have suicidal thoughts. Its too bad I did not realize that at the time because I did some stuff to get her back, I also sent a horrible email to her, I sad some really bad things, things that you can't take back. It sucks that I did that. I am ashamed of the things I did. It was mostly the meds. About 2 weeks later I realized it was the meds that was making me worse and I stopped taking them. The pain did not go away. Since the 15th of Sept I have had only one week of happiness, the week were talking again. My life is still a train wreck. I still cry everyday. I don't work much, I am not a very nice guy anymore, I feel totally hopeless, I feel I have no future. All I see is darkness. I turned my back on God, I sold my guitar, I never want to play again. I don't enjoy anything that I use too. I think about suicide a lot, I have made plans a couple of times. I go days thinking about nothing but ways to die and end the pain. Last week was the worst it was the 3 month anniversary since the break up. I guess my family could tell I was up to something because they tried to have me committed. The police came to my house at 2:00am and took me to the hospital. I got out the next day, I played down my plans of suicide. The day I got out was the 15 of Dec. and a Saturday, just like in Sept. I really tried to focus that day on giving it to God, my way was not working, started praying again. It helped a little. Today is Monday, 3 months ago today I left Vegas a broken men. We first talked on a Monday, she got her on Monday, She left on a Monday, I left Vegas on a Monday. It is even the exact same time of year as the first time we broke up. I don't know how I will get through this, I don't know how to let go. What do you do when you lose the love of your life? Yes I would take her back, of course I would want her to seek help, get well herself. Right now I know I need to get well again. I have not been me since the 15th of Sept. I have seen her so many letters, tried to call and still nothing. She just threw me away. It hurts everyday. Everyday I am in that parking lot getting that text from her. Everyday is the 15th of Sept. I have to get well. I hope God still has a plan for us being together someday. If so I pray I will be a better Christian man, be stronger. I pray that I don't have to wait another 13 years for her. I would if I had too. She is the only one for me. I miss her smile, the smell of her perfume, the way she held me at night, the sound of her voice, her beautiful eyes, the way she laughed. Everything reminds me of her. She is in my thoughts everyday. If you listen to the song by Garth Brooks "More Than A Memory" that's what I go through. I will never forget. I hope I can get to a place where I can cope soon. Thanks for listening.
(submitted from Jimmy in Washington)
My ex-girl and I were together for six months before she told me she did not want to be with me anymore. I was hurting bad for awhile there. Everyone tells you how to be, or try to be "in" a relationship, but no one wants to talk about how to be out of one or how to deal with the pain. I got to give you props man for this site. It takes a lot of balls to put yourself out there. As a guy I appreciate hearing how another guy felt going through this. It helps cuz I thought I was just being a bi*&% feeling sad.
(submitted from Jacob in Madison)
Its good to see another male expressing the serious feelings and emotions that come from a hard breakup. Although my story is from a decade ago, its still a story I would like to share with you, in hopes that it could help your readers in anyway possible. And just like you, Ill use aliases for anonymity purposes: It was my sophomore year in high school, I was on the track team. One of the first practices we had, I notice Lynn and it instantly feels like I was hit in the gut and I couldn't breath. The smile that could melt any mans heart, was what first caught my attention. Then she laughed and it was just magic. Needless to say, since we were always around the same area, we inevitably started talking and flirting with each other. We would spend time with each other, do warm up runs together and it was all fun and laughter. Remember, that this was still high school and I was still learning the "game," so my approach was the always trusty "ask her female friends" route. I let them know that I was incredibly interested and to find out what her feelings were about me since we've started talking and hanging out. They went and talked to her and to my joy; she was very interested in me. Taking this very valuable information with me, I found the courage to ask her to be my girlfriend on the way back from a track meet. She said yes and it was a great ride all the way back home. Times were great. She was my best friend, lover and confidant. She wrote in my year book, taking up two whole pages to express her love to me and how shed miss our times together and to not be worried about the separation. I loved her more than anything and she knew it. Her family was happy that we were together. Her siblings felt like my siblings and I felt like I was part of the family. It was a two years later and she had graduated (she was 2 years older) and went on to college. Not far from where I lived, so we were still able to see each other pretty much whenever we wanted to. So the relationship continued and the arguments were there but they were never severe and apologies were always said at the end of it. Time went by and she started to feel more and more distant and she was spending time with her college friends especially a guy that she also worked next to. Then one day, she came to me with news that would turn any 17 year old upside down and inside out... she was pregnant. The news hit me like a ton of bricks. Unfortunately, an abortion was her only option, even though I was ready to man up and do what I had to do to take care of my family. She wouldn't have it and I took her to the doctors to get the operation done. It was the toughest drive that I had to endure and I couldn't even imagine what she was going through, not only from the physical but also the psychological pain. She grew more and more distant. Then came the day that I went to her work to go visit her. Her boss, out of all people, was the one that gave me the knockout blow to my young adult life. She said that Lynn had told her that her and I had broken up a little while ago. The loss of breath that I once felt when I first saw the girl I was in love with, was now transformed into pain and anguish of learning of the truth. The Truth... the truth that I was being cheated on. All the talks of moving out together, getting married and growing old and making a family was destroyed, chewed up and spat out right in front of my face. Time after that was spent wallowing, not being able to eat or sleep and even to the extreme of not wanting to live. I wouldn't leave my bedroom for hours or even days. My family wouldn't see me for days. They knew that my relationship was over but never knew why or what else happened in that 2 and a half years of extreme ups and downs. Although I divulged very little to them, my close friends and family always had my back and slowly made me feel better. Telling me that everything happens for a reason. At first I didn't want to hear it cause it all sounded too cliché, but after a while I was seeing that I was dying within myself. I decided it was time for me to get on get going with rest of society and enjoy what everyone else was enjoying...LIFE. Make art, write stories, help others and with time you will come around. Everything does happen for a reason. Good luck to everyone. Believe me, true love can be found anywhere at anytime, cause its already happened for me. Wish me luck and send your prayers. Thanks Michael for your time and if you need my help, I'd be glad to help. Take care man.
(submitted by Anonymous)
I am from Belgium 31 years old, and I have been very heartbroken myself. I am very shy, and did not have much relationships in my life. But I was trying my luck on a dating site in July 2006. One day this beautiful girl K winked at me. She was from Texas and because her father is in the military, she had to move a lot in her life and also has been stationed in Europe. I was scared about starting a relation with her because I had no idea how this long distance would work and also she was 18 at the time and we had a significant age difference. Nevertheless, we started writing each other and we seemed to have everything in common. It was sooo wonderful like in a fairy tale. Soon, next to writing each other and sending each other songs, we started chatting. Almost everyday we chatted for hours even if that meant I had to get up at night or very early in the morning. Later on we used the webcam, called each other sometimes and we fell in love head over heels. I loved her soo incredibly much that I had to visit her. Her parents invited me to visit for christmas. So I flew over the Atlantic and spend a whole month with her and her family. I have been walking on clouds the whole time, it was soo amazing. We loved each other so much, so much that she wanted to leave everything behind and come with me to Europe. Of course her parents warned her that she would better continue at college and get a degree first. I agreed on that, because if ever something would happen to me, it's better to have a diploma in this world. We agreed she would visit me that summer. She has been sick and skipped that semester at college, and I went back home and worked very hard renovating my farm that I just had bought for when she would come and visit me. There came some bad news from college. In order to remain signed up she had to do this summer course. So our visit had to be postponed until this past Christmas.The long distance relationship was very hard on us, especially because of all the work she had, she wasn't online anymore everyday. She also went visiting her grandparents that summer who live in PA, so I didn't hear from her very much, just some mails. I kept writing her every day. most of the time by email but also by regular mail. We never had arguments, though because we didn't chat everyday anymore, if felt we were growing apart again. I panicked and thought how I could save our relationship. I started looking for a new job, that needed me to go overseas. When I told her that half way September, she soon broke up with me, telling that it was not fair for me to be waiting so long for her to graduate, and that I deserved to live my life. I didn't want that, I wanted to remain a couple. I cried and wrote so many letters telling how much I love her. She said she had been crying so hard as well. and she asked me to watch the movie "Splendor in the Grass", that I would understand. About a month later, I discovered she was chatting it up with a Dentist from Norway. He is close to my age as well. I did about everything I could to convince her to come back to me. But T from Norway visited her for a weekend in November. and this Christmas she went visiting him in Norway. I only know bits and pieces from what is going on there, but I know that he asked her to marry him the second week they were together. They are engaged now. I was so devastated. I have been patient for almost a year and see everything we had going to waste in a few months time. I couldn't function anymore and ran off at work. Drove to my home, got my dog and went to my parents house. When I walked in I fell down crying. My parents catched me and putted me on the couch. I completely collapsed and never have had more pain in my chest than those days, between Christmas and New year. It's even the first time that I saw my father crying as well. I was dragging my whole family in it. I spend most of my time in bed those vacation days. It was only when I started looking at protestant services that I gained some hope and courage again. I have to let her go, but it is soo hard. She is going to get married soon and she will give up college and is moving to Norway. People say I have to move on and go out meet new people etc. etc... but I just don't feel like it, I rather stay home, but than again keep worrying about her, if she would be alright, if she isn't making a big mistake. It's so hard, but there is nothing that I can do about it. I was so looking forward to seeing her again at Christmas. The most beautiful fairy tale has turned into the worst nightmare for me. Every day is a struggle to move on, but everyday it gets better. It's so hard especially because there seem to be no reasons why she left me, and she wrote me several times afterwards that she might be making the biggest mistake in her life, but that she feels more compatible with T because she is in medicine too. There are also no bad things about her that I can think of, which makes it impossible for me to get angry and move on. I care so much for her.It's even difficult to get a descent night of sleep. I am so restless. My whole world collapsed, I am so lost.
(submitted by Anonymous from Belgium)
His name is Charlie and he is my best friend. I've known him for seven years now. We met each other at the age of 12, just two young kids with no acknowledgement of love or life. The very first time I saw him, I fell in love. Honestly the feeling is somewhat indescribable, but that's what love feels like anyway right. I knew in my heart that Charlie Carrillo would be a big part of my life. The day I met him we just connected so much. All we did was laugh and laugh, and I remember thinking to myself, wow how lucky am I? After that day we became really close. In my head I was always thinking beyond friendship lines, but it was always a mystery of how he really felt. I knew we were really good friends, best friends, but it became my greatest fear that, that's all we'll ever be. It was very hard for me to question him about that because I was terrified of rejection, so I continued to always be his best friend. Our year in 7th grade one of my friends developed feelings for him and of course he felt the same way. I didn't want them to get together, I was so scared that he would forget all about me. One day I couldn't help myself, my feelings for him were growing stronger and stronger each day and I needed to tell him. I picked up the phone and I called him. "Hello?". The sound of his voice brought butterflies to my stomach. I told him that I knew a girl who liked him a lot, and all he did was guess and ask who. I was so scared to tell him it was me but suddenly I said , "me, I like you Charlie". And nervously and shocked at my own statement I hung up the phone so scared to hear his reaction. After a few seconds I realized how dumb that was so I called back bravely. He answered, "hello?". The butterflies once again returned. "Um, I'm sorry about that" I said. All he did was giggle and then he said, "It's okay, I knew it was you". I couldn't believe it, but then it came to my attention that of course he knew, I mean it was so obvious. I stood quiet anxiously yet so terrified to hear his reaction to what he already knew. He really didn't say anything good or bad, but when there's nothing to be said its not really good. Eventually my friend who had liked him became his girlfriend. They were together for all of 7th and 8th grade. The saying "the hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else" is so true, but nobody will ever know how hard it is until you experience it personally not once, but twice. What I mean by that is after culminating from 8th to 9th grade Charlie was no longer with that girl , so of course I thought to myself, this is my chance, but I was wrong. Yes, another girl came into the picture. I was starting to think that me and him will never be. But that thought never kept me from being his best friend. I wondered what thoughts would go through his head knowing that I was able to be his best friend and still have feelings for him at the same time. Trust me it wasn't easy, but he meant, and still means so much to me that I would never turn my back on him. I continued to be his best friend for 7 years. At times I thought that I was over him but seriously that was crazy. Nobody can lie to their heart, no matter how hard they try. I am now 18 and a recently a graduate of Huntington Park High school class of 2008. I've loved Charlie since I was 12, and the feeling wont go away. Earlier this year, Charlie informed me that his girlfriend of 3 years had cheated on him. He told me the whole story and I knew by looking at him that he was heartbroken. I felt his pain and knew exactly what he was going through. I hated seeing him like that and I hated the girl who made him feel so miserable. I was there for him through his heartbreak and gave him the best advice, anything just to make him smile. He was happy that I understood him so well. Then it hit me that this is finally my chance to be with him. I began making small remarks like" well who cares, now its finally our chance" trying so hard to make it seem like I was only kidding, but he knew, he really knew that I meant it. I gave him my phone number and we talked, sort of like the late-night-phone call-phase way. We flirted with each other so much that night. We talked about us hanging out a lot but we really never got around to it until one day. I was with my two older sisters just driving around being bored when I decided to call him to hang out. He answered, "hello?". Those butterflies were as strong as they were seven years ago. I asked if he wanted to hang out with my sisters and I and he said yes. I picked him up and he was standing in front of his house looking so cute. Its amazing how my heart skipped a beat every time I seen him. He got in the car and we looked at each other with this strange look but to me it meant something. We stopped at the store and all I was able to think about was him, just him, me and him. We all decided that we were just going to hang out at the park. On the way to the park we gave each other that look again, and at that moment I risked everything. I kissed him. And then it happened. That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that this person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will all go away all at the same time. I waited seven years for that first kiss with him and yes it felt exactly how I imagined it would, but much more. After I kissed him, I just stared at him wondering if that was a huge mistake, and then he kissed me back. It was finally happening and I couldn't believe it. After that we just couldn't stop kissing each other. I was extremely happy until I felt a sense that he was uncomfortable and he was. And that feeling of fear came to me stronger than ever. I asked him what was wrong and he said that it was just a little weird. It would be expected from everyone that I would be understandable but I wasn't. Reason for that is because I've waited forever for this to happen and when it finally did it felt anything and everything except weird, but that's just to me. Unfortunately he felt different. So I forced myself to be understandable and made myself think that everything happened to fast which was easy for him to say right. I backed away feeling so sad that I only had him for at least an hour and it was gone. I went home that day walked into my room layed on my bed and screamed. Although he had clearly stated that us was too weird for him I was still extremely happy. I couldn't believe that after seven years of waiting, of wondering, of pain, it happened. The next time I seen him at school I admit that I was so scared to even look at him but I made that go away. I acted as if nothing happened, and that hurt. And after a while that became the usual. We would hang out and behave as a typical couple but once we were in school, we were just friends. I was still happy that "we" were actually happening but then I stopped and realized that, this is not right. Either he wanted to be with me all the time or not at all. It was all or nothing. But it was so hard for me to confront him because I didn't want him to say "well lets be friends". So it took me a while to actually say something. When that day came around I was so scared. I called him, those butterflies never seemed to go away. I asked when he wanted to hang out again, and he said soon. We began talking about his ex-girlfriend, and I was just simply giving him advice, when he said" I love when we talk like this". I said "yeah so do I". That's how it all started. The subject came up, the one I was avoiding and dreading. "You see, Candace here's the thing", Charlie said. I didn't want to hear anymore after that, I knew what was coming and I knew it was not going to be good. "Candace, I'm so scared that if you and I make this official, that the connection we have as friends will all go away, and I'm afraid that if we don't work out, that things will go weird, and I can not deal with that, us not being friends anymore, and Candace your my only friend", Charlie said. " What do you mean I'm your only friend?" "Charlie you have a lot of friends" I said. "Yeah, but you are my only true friend, we've known each other for 7 years and not once have you ever turned you back on me, your my only friend, and if I loose that I don't know what I'll do Candace." "But Charlie, I believe that our best friendship is so strong to overcome anything, we've been kicking it for awhile now and we still act the same towards each other, I don't think that we can ever stop being friends, even though "we might not work" I said. "But your not for sure that we'll loose our friendship, you don't know that it wont go away" he said. "Yeah but your not sure if it will, you don't know either Charlie" I said, practically begging. "I just don't know Candace", Charlie said. "So that's it, you don't even want to chance it, you don't want to take this risk, are you willing to live with the thoughts "what if" all your life, because I know that I'm not" I said, so hard trying to convince him, putting up this huge fight, and it was worthy of something, worthy of his love, I wanted his love. "Well I do want to try "us", I do want to risk it, but just not right now" Charlie said. I was confused, what did that mean, when did he want to try it, another 7 years? "Well then when would be the best time for you Charlie, why don't you want to try "us" right now anyways" I said frustrated. "Well to be honest I'm not right with myself just yet" he said. " Huh? What do you mean by that, does it have anything to do with Stephanie?" I said. " Oh no, I swear Candace, although it seems like I'm not over her, I really am, I hate her" he said. "Okay then, what is it? " I asked extremely frustrated at this point. "I'm just honestly not ready yet", he said. "Okay then" . Those two words were the only words I managed to say. "So, um lets just slow it down, and continue being best friends, okay" Charlie said. "What do you mean slow it down?" I was just clearly confused, either that or that was just the excuse for me to shut down, not wanting to hear another word. "Well lets just be friends for now, you know, no more kicking it like we've been, until I'm ready". That was all I needed to hear for my heart to drop to the ground. "Lets just be friends" . I've been terrified of those 4 words for 7 years. "Well okay then, I guess. I'll talk to you later ok" I said on the verge of tears. "C'mon Candace you see, that's what I didn't want to happen, I didn't want to make you feel hurt" he said. "Oh no, I'm cool, for real" I said. Nobody can lie to their heart, no matter how hard they try. "I'll just talk to you later okay" I said. "Ok cool I'll see you in school, bye Candace" he said. I was stuck, in loss for words, speechless. What was I going to do now? I've waited for 7 years, and I only had him for a couple of months. That was it. A nightmare come true. After that we barely even talked. When I would see him in school I would just pass by, not even looking at him. My heart ached all the time. When were kicking it like that I was so happy, to be honest it was the happiest time of my life. And now I was going through the worst time of my life. After graduation I really didn't talk to him at all. I didn't see him or call him. But I thought about him all the time. Without him, my best friend, in my life, nothing seems to make sense, nothing at all. After about a couple of weeks after graduation I knew I had to call him, I had missed him so much. One day I was home thinking about me him, and I decided to call. I was so nervous and scared but I had to do it. "Yeahh?", he answered the phone. Yes the butterflies were still there, but I felt pain more than I did the butterflies this time around. "Hey Charlie, what's up, it's me Candace", I said back, practically stuttering. "Heyyy Candace what's up", he said back as if everything was okay, as if nothing was wrong. Did he not feel that there was anything was wrong? I mean c'mon everything was wrong! We talked a while, just small talk really. Then he told me something that could possibly be a little worse than him telling me "Lets just be friends". "So guess what I'm moving Candace", Charlie said. My heart dropped again. "Your moving. Charlie where are you moving to?" I asked praying to god he wasn't moving far. "I don't know yet I might move to either Costa Mesa, Paramount, or Pico Rivera". All of those places were sort of far except one, Paramount. God please let him move to Paramount I prayed. "Oh okay well you should move to Paramount, that's close to me" I said. "Yeah well I'll see what's up", Charlie said back. We talked for a bit longer. We hung up. As soon as we did, I started to cry, and I didn't even know why at first, but I was crying because the love of my life was going to move and I still never told him my true true feelings for him, and I had to. I called my two bestest friends up Ruby and Jazmine[which was actually my cousin] to ask them for advice and to confide in them. I cried to them both and asked what should I do? They both gave me the same advice. They said that yes, I did need to tell him my true feelings before it's to late. They said that yes it was obvious that I liked him but he really didn't know that I was truly in love with him. And that was true. Since I was 12 I loved Charlie and all these years my love for him really never went away and I've never told him that. And it was finally time to tell him. I called him the next day and I asked him if we can hang out before he moved so that I can talk to him and he said yeah. After that we just started talking again, small talk really. I was really happy just to hear his voice again, it always made me smile. There was a moment where I blanked out while we were talking. I just started thinking about how much Charlie meant to me. I've had a lot of boyfriends growing up, but I could never compare anyone to Charlie: the love of my life and my best friend, two in one. He is unlike anyone that I've ever met. He was always capable of making me laugh or smile, and always bringing those butterflies to my stomach. He was all I ever wanted, his was my everything. Those beautiful thoughts didn't last though. After I came back from being on cloud nine, Charlie asked how my weekend was and I said, "Oh it was cool, I really didn't do anything, what about you?" "Oh it was really cool, I went out with a couple of friends on Friday and then on Saturday me and my girl, and some friends went to the beach, and on Sunday I kicked it all day with my girl". I was shocked. Speechless, broken. At first I wasn't sure what he said but then he it said again loud and clear those words were "my girl". I was so confused and devastated, just a million emotions all in one. I thought to myself "what just happened"? I couldn't say even one word after that. I was stuck, just quiet. He asked what was wrong and all I could say was that I would talk to him later, and he said okay cool. As soon as we hung up I broke down. I began crying like a little baby for her mother. Why? That was the only thing I could ask myself. Why would he do that to me? It came to me after a while then instead of him being a true friend, a man, instead of him just saying that he didn't want to be with me, he had to tell me like that. MY GIRL. That was exactly his way of telling me that he had a girlfriend and he didn't want to be with me. I was lost. After all that happened and after all the times when I thought my heart was crushed It came down to this, me being completely and horribly heartbroken, me losing the guy who I was in love with and my best friend. I called up my best friend and told her everything. She was so upset and told me that she couldn't stand him and how I deserved way better and how I didn't need him. Of course all that didn't matter to me. Of course I needed him, I loved him, I needed him to need me, I needed him to want me, just to love me. That night all I can think about was him and how he'll never know how absolutely perfect we could've turned out. He'll never know how much I really loved him. I could've been the best thing in his life but he didn't want it, he didn't want me. I have to live with that. The way he handled everything would now make it so hard for me to even be his friend. It was now so hard for me to call him up on a random just to see how he was doing, to tell him that I missed him, nothing. It has been 4 months since that last talk with Charlie. I still think about him everyday and I still have the pain in my heart. Life is so different without my best friend. Everyday I wear this fake smile and pretend I'm fine, but inside I'm dying. I always wonder if he thinks about me, or if a feels a split of remorse for breaking my heart. Or if he even knew how much he really hurt me because I never told him my true feelings, but he had to know even a little, he had to know. I don't believe I'll ever get over him, or I'll ever stop loving him. I know it's crazy but as much as he hurt me I love him with all of my heart and I'll still be his best friend no matter what. I have days where it hurts a little, or I have days where I can just be in my room, lay on my bed, play the song "Fool of Me" by Meshell Ndegeocello, and think of Charlie, and cry. Some thoughts are of those days where he filled my heart with so much joy but most thoughts where how he just made a fool of me and I had no idea why. The reason for writing the story of Charlie and I was to let all my pain out, but mostly to let him know, to let you know Charlie that I loved you so much and you made a fool of me. I have no idea what the future holds for Charlie and I. I don't know whether one day we'll be able to be friends again or if we'll ever be together. All I can do is reminisce on those 7 years of our best friendship and love and hope and pray for the happy ending I've always wanted: Charlie and Candace forever.
(submitted by Candace)
I met my now ex-boyfriend Jesse last summer. We had gone to the same school since seventh grade and we had the same best friend, but we never knew of each other until our sophomore year of high school. We were both in different places. I had just gotten over an abusive boyfriend. I was just focused on being single and happy and he himself was in a relationship. I always thought he didn't like me. He would shake his head at things I would say and the first time he ever said something to me his eyes met mine for only a second and then he looked away. There was just something that drew us to each other though. School got out for the summer and he invited me to a little party he was having. Our best friend was suppose to come, but he ended up not being able to so it was me, Jesse, his friend Matt, and my friend Katherine. I vaguely remember that whole night but there was alcohol and everyone was drinking, but I was the only one that drank too much. We were all on the couch and the alcohol started to hit me and I fell in Jesse's lap. He started rubbing my shoulder in a comforting way. I got up because I didn't want things to go beyond that because I knew he had a girlfriend. People say feelings or the truth come out when people drink and I guess it's true because next thing I know Jesse and I were kissing. I woke up the next morning realizing where I was and what I have done. I was in a recliner and Jesse was lying on the same couch we were all on the night before. I crawled over to him, shaking him to wake him up to take me home. I only remember him saying something like "there's room on the couch" hinting that he wanted me to lay beside him. I got up and walked to his bedroom to be away from everyone else and fall back asleep. Next thing I know, Jesse comes in and lays beside me. He wasn't forcing himself on me or anything like that. We just laid next to each other in silence and just kissed. I pulled away though because what was happening wasn't right. Anyway, I finally got home and was grounded for about two weeks. That whole time all I could think about was him. When I was ungrounded, we just hung out more and he ended up breaking up with his girlfriend and asking me out. I, of course, said yes. I was really happy and began having strong feelings for him already. We would constantly be around each other and the time we weren't we spend every minute talking on the phone. That summer was eventful. My father is abusive and he abused me that summer and ended up attacking Jesse but he stuck with me. Towards the end of summer though I found out I would be moving. I was devastated. I told Jesse and he had tears in his eyes. The plan was for us to break up when summer ended, but that didn't happen. We were so deep in love. We continued to see each other for another 8 months. He would drive an hour and a half every Friday to come take me away for the weekend. During that time, I was struggling to make friends in my new school and my dad had again beaten me but Jesse was always there for me. I began to suffer from manic-depression and it took a toll on us. I would pick fights about anything and shut Jesse out. I became a different person. He ended up leaving me before I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. We would still talk on the phone but that changed too. He began to shut me out. I had friends telling me that he was already putting his hands on another girl. I was hurt but we saw each other again and the old feelings were still there. He had even asked me to be his date for his junior prom. But the week before, he said he didn't wanna take me anymore but didn't plan on telling me until Friday when he would come and get me. All because I said that I thought he was emotionally abusive. He called me names like cunt and told me he thought nothing of me because he thought I did something to our best friend. To this day, he refuses to talk to me. It hurts because I never got a chance to really say good bye to him. I still dream about him and think about him everyday. I still have hope that there will be an "us" sometime again. I hated how we ended.
(submitted by Anonymous)
My heartbreak story is very fresh. Only three weeks old now. I read Michael's story and it felt very similar in a lot of ways. My name is Joe, I am a 25 year old male from Ontario Canada. So the story goes something like this. Katie, who is now my ex-girlfriend, god even saying ex hurts so much! We dated for close to 3 years, I'd say 2 years and 8 months. We lived together for 2 years. We had three cats and a dog who we both loved very much. Our relationship was strong, and the love seemed unconditional. We both loved each other very much. We met just as we were both finishing college. I took Broadcasting, and she took International Business. The summer we both scarped by doing survival jobs, and filling the nights with love for each other. As time moved on, Katie ended up getting a great job in her field. She networked through family, and bing bang boom! Had the career! I on the other hand was struggling to find anything related to my field. My field was extremely harder to get in, but in the end it doesn't really matter. It's who you know, not what you know. I ended up taking another job as cook for a catering company. Cooking was a hobby of mine, so I started to enjoy the job. I enjoyed the people I worked with. Katie continued with her job, not always loving it but she stuck it out and worked hard at it. I was always there for support when her stress level would unbearable. I kept looking for my "dream job" but never found anything. Slowly, I lost ambition to even look in my chosen industry. I just slowly, not knowing it I started to settle in my life. I was happy though, I had Katie and she was the world to me. We did things together all the time, LOTS of snuggling, and movie watching in those cold Canadian nights. We would play with the dog almost every night. We went out a lot to restaurants we did what we could with what we had. However, not really aware of it, in my sub-conscious I was unhappy. Not with Katie she was my high, she was my girl...she was the love of my life! I was unhappy that I wasn't following the structure I set out in my own life. I was working a job that was only leading me so far, and I think I reached as far as I could with it. The money wasn't there. I still very badly wanted to work in broadcasting. I asked Kate what if I moved out of province to a smaller market, would you transfer for me? She told me she would never because the other branches in the country are smaller and there is less chance she could move up the corporate ladder. She also told me she doesn't think long distance relationships work and that we would be over. She told me that and I cried, I hid it by running to the washroom but I cried. I loved her to much too just pack up and leave. So…time kept ticking away. I kept working my job and she did the same. Then one night I blew up on her. I guess it was a mix of me being tired from working and traveling all day, and me not being happy with what I was doing. We were taking the dog for a walk, I planned on going for a jog to blow off some steam. I waited in the cold for her finally she made it down from the apartment. She was training the dog and taking her time. I understood she had to she paid a lot of money for the dog training classes. I asked her to hurry up, and she told me to shut up. Again, I asked her to hurry she again told me to shut up. I got really frustrated and sad she was saying this to me. In anger I went back to the apartment door to go in. I told her I hated her, she told me she hated me. I ran back to the apartment and just sat on the floor. She arrived soon after. She told me things I thought I would never hear. She told me that she doesn't see us together in the future she told me she doesn't believe in love, she told me she doesn't think two people are meant to be together in a long period of time. I started crying uncontrollably. She hugged me and we both crawled into bed, never really talking about what happened again. I wish we had talked about it, I guess I was in denial. For the next few months I knew I needed to treat Katie better and I worked on it hard! I did things; buying flowers, giving back massages, having incredible sex, making her dinner, walking her dog, taking care of her animals when she went on a trip to Spain. I would do anything and everything for her. However, she still seemed really distant. I was always the one making any of the emotional movements. She never hugged me, she never looked me in the eye anymore. I felt like she wanted to get rid of me but didn't know how. Then new years came. I bought some tickets to go see Russel Peters (a comedian) I bought a ticket for myself and a ticket for her sister. Her sister was the first to cancel on me then Katie had to because she had to work unexpectedly on New Years Eve. I was upset but I understood. As I was getting ready to go she started to laugh at a message she received on her blackberry. I asked her what it was, and she told me it was an innocent rumor a guy at work made up. I asked what the rumor was and she told this guy named Eric started a rumor that Katie gave him head. When I heard this my insecurities flew around my body like a mean old tornado, tossing emotions everywhere. I punched the wall, and got really upset. She just laughed at me, thought I was acting like a fool. And she was probably right, but she never once reassured me, nor did she never deny doing it. It really hurt, and that whole night I was upset. She came and picked me up from the event. I had been drinking (it was new years eve) and that didn't help. I was really angry at her. I came home she sat on the couch and watched T.V. I had a shower and went to bed. I woke up in the morning with her next to me. I was still very much upset about everything. Something wasn't sitting right with me. I asked her if I should move out and instantly she said "yes!" Three hours later I was moved out, quit my job, and moved back with my parents. It has only been three weeks. I am in terrible shape. I cry everyday. I have been researching and it helps but only temporary. I have been speaking to a doctor, and therapist. Its help, but only a little. I feel drained everyday. I try and get out but all I think about is Kate. I miss her so much. I know in the bottom of my heart I love her. I realize why things happened. Just like it takes two to start a relationship it takes two to end it as well. She called a few times but I can't bare to talk. I just start crying. It's a hell everyday. I know she is fine. She still has her job, same place, and she goes out all the time with men from her work. I hate being stuck here thinking about her all the time. I miss her so much and a lot of the times I just want to be dead. But like I said, I am trying to get myself back on my feet. This heavy feeling in my stomach won't go away any time soon. Its only been 3 weeks...we were together for close to 3 years. I have read a lot of stories on this page and it has given me a different perspective. But again, I don't think there is anything you can do about the pain. It's how you deal with it. I have had amazing friends and support. It means the world to me, and I now know I need to focus on myself. But it's not going to be easy. My mind likes to think Kate, Kate, Kate all the time! I know its cliche, but time heals all right? I know Katie's love will come to the grave with me. It may get numb in time but it will come to the grave with me. I hope anyone out there who is suffering will try and focus on themselves. Only you can get yourself through this....love hurts....but is it ever amazing to have! I have been following all the advice on how to cope with a broken heart. I started doing new things, looking for a new job, playing new sports, working out a ton. It helps push out aggression. I will love her forever, and I never want her out of my life. She is my best friend. Maybe, and just maybe if faith see it fit. When I am ready with myself and she has found herself. Maybe things could work, but at this stage in our life….it doesn't seem to be working anymore. It's the hardest thing I have had to do. To admit that is doesn't seem to be working. I love her so much. I must set her free and be there for her, because in the end I do love her. I will keep her in my heart and soul for the rest of my life. I just hope she feels the same about me. Lots of love to you all.
(submitted by Joe from Ontario)
Before you I was like Cheeta, I always played. Years before us, I tasted a bit of love and fell flat on my face. Before you I was like a cat... a scary cat, afraid to be heartbroken and lose someone I took the risk to love. You came in my life, and convinced me it was okay to fall. You gave your word and promised you would be here no matter what. I remembered as I was falling, I was heading toward a massive airplane. Just when I was about to crash, you caught me; and I landed safely in your arms. On top of this huge airplane, we felt as if we were sitting on top of the world. Upon the plane, I lay and you lay with me; I ate and you ate with me; I prayed and you prayed with me. We had got tired of the blue sky' and white cotton clouds and wanted to be with the daisies. Knowing you were there for me, I jumped from the airplane, but you did not jump with me. You didn't catch me. You weren't there. Instead you stayed on the plane to catch someone else, while I was falling chest first unprepared to hit land. When I crashed my chest bust opened , my heart rolled out and busted into pieces. You knew my heart was cracked, so you fixed me up just to destroy me again. I collected all the pieces I was able find. Time was my super glue. When I had most of the pieces, time glued them back together. I placed my fragile little heart back where it belonged, closed my chest and sewed me back together. That day was the day I told myself to never open up my chest for any soul. I can't help feeling sorry for the happy openhearted girl above me, sitting on top of the plane feeling as if she on top of the world. Just like I felt. Just like I, she will experience heartbreak. I just hope she doesn't fall chest first.
(submitted by Anonymous)